10 ways to let go and overcome a bad mood

“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.”  ~Unknown

Contrary to popular belief, even positive people get in bad moods.

Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep last night. Or you feel overworked and overwhelmed. Or perhaps something happened, and you keep dwelling on it. Going over and over in your head how you froze up in a meeting, or spoke too aggressively to someone you love.

Whatever the case may be, you feel something you don’t want to, and you’re not sure how to change it. You just know you need to do something before acting on that feeling.

The reality is you don’t have to act on everything you feel. Still, emotional responses happen so quickly that it becomes challenging to put space between feeling and doing.

It may seem like the answer is to stop responding to life emotionally, but that’s just not realistic. Paul Ekman, one of the foremost researchers on emotion, suggests it’s near impossible to bypass an emotional response because of the way our brains are set up.

Perhaps the best goal is to identify negative feelings quickly and improve your state of mind instead of responding to feelings with more feelings. Odds are if you choose the latter, you’ll do something you’ll regret later.

I’ve come up with 10 ways to overcome a negative state of mind:

1. Get to the root.

If you’ve ever snapped at someone who didn’t say or do anything to offend you, you’re familiar with this common dilemma: you feel something but you’re not entirely sure why. So you start looking for explanations. The kids are too loud. Or the TV’s too small. Or the car’s too dirty.

Maybe you’re afraid of acknowledging someone hurt you because you prefer to avoid confrontation. Or maybe you’re disappointed in yourself but admitting it is too painful. Whatever the case, it’s time to get honest. Lashing out won’t address the problems that are creating your feelings.

2. Be real.

There’s no point in pretending you’re full of sunshine when internally you feel like crying or screaming. You’re entitled to feel the full range of emotions and express what’s on your mind when you need to. Don’t worry about bringing other people down; you’ll only do that if you dwell in negativity.

If someone asks what’s wrong, be honest: “I’ve had a rough day, I don’t feel so great, but I’m sure I’ll feel better when I…”

3. Complete the “I’ll feel better when I …” sentence.

Everyone has something that’s guaranteed to put a smile on their face. Playing with your dog. Watching re-runs of Friends. Jump roping to bad 80s music. It’s helpful to have this Ace in your pocket to pull out when you need a smile. (If you’re on Facebook, read more ideas to make you smile here.)

I know yoga always enhances my mood. I also know when I feel bad I’m less motivated to go yoga. It helps to remind myself it will be worth it in the end if I push through my discomfort because yoga always helps, at least a little.

4. Take responsibility.

Sometimes when you’re down it might feel like you have to stay there. But the truth is we can influence how we feel by choosing what we do. Sitting around sulking causes prolonged sadness. Doing something proactive will help you start to feel better.

When you realize you’re the only thing standing between you and a smile, you get motivated to take action. That’s the thing about feelings: you can’t sit around waiting for them to change. You have to do something to change them.

5. Think it out.

The best way to change how you feel is to change how you think about  what’s bothering you. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, identify what you learned and what you can do with that knowledge to make your next moments better.

Instead of dwelling on everything that’s out of your hands, focus on things you can actually control. How honest you are about your feelings. Whether you take responsibility or blame other people. Whether you cling to pain or let go. You can’t avoid feelings, but you don’t have to exacerbate them with negative thoughts.

6. Change the story in your head.

Sometimes when you’re in a bad mood, it’s tempting to cling to a story that justifies it–and then retell it over and over like a picture book you’ve heard a million times. And then he said this…And then I did this…And then I messed up…

Visualize yourself closing a book and taking a new one off the shelf. Then start telling yourself a different story. One where you’re not a victim. One where you’re not powerless. One where you’re accepting what happened, and moving on so you don’t lose anymore time to that other book.

7. Want to understand.

Even if something happened to create your bad mood, you’re responsible for maintaining it–and it’s easy to do that if you refuse to see the other side of situations. If you want to believe your best friend meant to hurt you. Or the world is against you. Or your boss didn’t promote you because she’s out to get you.

Instead of fueling your anger for your friend, feel compassion for the pain she must be in–she’d never hurt you on purpose. Instead of thinking the world is against you, put your day in perspective. Everyone has bad days. Instead of imaging your boss is out to get you, realize she had a tough choice to make, and you’ll have more opportunities to advance down the line.

8. Uplift yourself.

Diffuse your negative feelings by generating positive ones. Watch something funny and silly on YouTube. Or watch something inspirational that reminds you people are good–life is good. I recommend Validation. Every time I see it I feel good about myself and want to pay that forward.

9. Use the silly voice technique.

According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought. (As mentioned in 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain.)

When you start thinking about the interview that went downhill, do it as Bugs Bunny. When you rehash the fight you had with your boyfriend, do it as one of those high-pitched mice from Cinderalla. Sound ridiculous? It is. That’s the point.

10. Repeat.

You’ve tried everything but your mind is still being stubborn. Now it’s a battle of wills: the part of you that wants to let go against the part of you that doesn’t.

Repeat this to yourself: “I still feel bad. I accept it. I know I won’t always feel bad, and it will change as soon as I’m ready.” Simply affirming that you won’t always feel bad–that you’re not destined to feel angry, sad, or frustrated forever–and that you are in control of your feelings might motivate you to let them go.

What are your tips for overcoming a bad mood?

(Source: tinybuddha.com)

positive thinking

miss-elaineous:

i read this article today about things that people need to stop doing. i found it really true and i’m going to try to do that.

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Life’s beautiful, as long as you think it is.

To begin with, I’m definitely not an optimistic person. Yet I’m striving to become one and I believe I can. Below are just some of my personal ideas on how to change my attitudes and live a more positive life. I prefer not to call these New Year’s resolutions or things-to-do or whatsoever list, because it’s very difficult for me to finish a list of tasks without procrastinating or such.

Enough of introduction. Let’s go straight to the point! 

1. Do things with passion

Every time we got a boring and difficult assignment, we tend to whine and do it with displeasure. This is not a good habit. Even though it doesn’t necessarily badly affect the result of the work, it does make us unhappy. And look, we have tons of things to do in life - what if we think of every single one of them as a pain in the ass - how much pain are we gonna have to endure? Well, pretty much I guess. Then why make it such a biggie? Now it’s time to change. As a perfectionist, things are much harder to deal with to me. I have to take note of the tasks I have to do, think of how to deal with it: if it’s individual work, start by brainstorming and googling for ideas - otherwise, discuss with team members and delegate if necessary. Sometimes, when the assignment gets so boring to deal with, I’ll seek for inspiration around the Internet - that’s a pretty much interesting thing to do I think. Anyway, I’m not trying to give advice on how to deal with work, what I trying to aim to is to emphasis one important fact: It’s your attitudes that matter. Change it, and things will feel less painful.

2. Let the hate subside

Everybody has the right to dislike something. However, it is not necessarily considered hate. Hate is an extremely negative verb, and the way people express it is much more serious than dislike. It sounds offensive to people with opposite opinions - and even though you may say that we don’t live to satisfy people with what we say - preserving peace is always a should.  

3. Stop comparing with others’

Another bad habit of mine is that I constantly compare the result of my work with others. It makes me disappointed with what I’ve done and sometimes even worse - jealous. However, it is true that I did try my best with my work and if it’s not good enough, I should look for reasons and note down mistakes to avoid repeating it. Besides, jealousy is ugly. If you want something, fight for it. Stop wasting time wishing for what you can’t have. Remember, always focus on what to do.

4. Stop exaggerating

Again, it’s always better to look at things with optimism. I tend to take problems seriously and with that I’ve lost many chances to laugh. You know, less laugh means getting old. And who wants to get old? Absolutely no one. Therefore, every time we face a problem, don’t spend too much time worrying - instead - try to find some way to solve it and yes, look at its bright side if there is any. 

Note to self: stop reblogging depressing posts LOL.

5. Do not judge

A good friend of mine once told me how she really thinks about me: I’ve judging too much, especially by looks. And it’s a shame that I had never thought of that until she told me so. Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses. And yes, I’m made of flaws. Then how come I get the right to judge anybody? Not to mention, no one wants to befriend a judgmental person - it’s scary I must say. Only without judgement can we become graceful and friendly. 

(to be continued)